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We called it Nude-2K

I just want to tell you about the most fun I have ever had on a scooter run. Last Sunday (1/16/00), Dan, Brian, Derek, and myself showed up to Alice's for the 2nd Annual Nude Run. John Kapp showed up but not with his bike so only got to sit in on the preplanning. More people would have been there but the emailing web site 'One-List' that we're all subscribed to was down for the last two days for yearly maintenance. No one got my email asking who was going. I was pretty confident that this Sunday was going to be the nude run because it had snowed for real on Thursday the 13th. It didn't stick over night or anything but the forecast said snow and people had to scrape the stuff off their cars. This fits the definition set forth by Dan Bailey and Scott Gries the founding fathers of the nude run. If it snows for a few minutes with no real accumulation then it doesn't count. When the criteria is met then everyone showing up to the next Sunday run has to ride nude across the Brooklyn bridge. Last years 1st annual nude run was so fun and I didn't even go nude then. I wanted to but I also wanted to video tape the whole thing. It turned out to be too cold for my digital camera. It just wouldn't work no matter what I tried.

Eight scooters showed up last year but only two souls were brave enough to face the cold with nothing more than helmets, boots, & a smile. Of course it was Dan and Scott. The traffic was backed up all the way across the bridge due to a disabled vehicle on the far side. We had to split the traffic. This gave more cars the chance to see more crack than they had since they left Brooklyn. Wives on the walk way were busy trying to get their husbands attention. By the time they did we had passed. Kids in the back of cars were giving their parents the heads up and the parents got a good view when we passed. Up to that point it was the most fun i have had on a scooter. Scott & Dan pulled it off like they were professionals. They had two staging areas. We followed the same plan this year but of course, things were going to be different. For starters we had two video cameras. One mounted on top of the headset on my Vespa. (a little shaky) And the other one was hand held by Derek who was to ride to the other side of the bridge, call us to make sure there were no cop surprises waiting, and get a shot of us coming down the first exit ramp. He was not going to be nude. We got the call. All clear. Everything went pretty smooth at stage one where we take off pants and shirts and then cover up with just parkas. This is when we realized that Brian was not briefed on the cool Pro way that it was done last year. He didn't have his parka and no idea that we did this in stages. He had to proceed to stage two without much changing. Stage two is at a totally committed point already on the bridge. You know where the traffic converges from the two onramps? Well there is the little white striped triangle area that is right there before the cars come together. That's stage two. I stayed in back so I could video tape the action. We tell Brian that he should get going because we only need 2 seconds to be ready. He starts to undress and it is obvious that he was not well prepared. As he goes to pull his pants off he falls over while traffic is starting to get backed up so people can get a better look. Next he drops his wallet which almost goes under a car. Then his bike comes very close to falling over. Dan grabs it just in time. We are all feeling like it is taking too long and the extra nervousness adds to the adrenaline already pumping. Finally we are ready and we take off. I am feeling less nervous now that we are moving. Then it hits me that we are riding nude across the Brooklyn bridge because Dan & Scott a couple of summers ago came up with the idea while bored on another beautiful Sunday run. I have the biggest smile on my face now and Dan is already waving to all the normal people. He is truly in his element. Brian is in a big hurry and Dan is soon falling behind. I look back to see that he is holding up three lanes of traffic because he is concerned that his Ben Sherman bag is dragging on the ground. I can see from where I am that it is a few inches off the ground and not going anywhere so I wave for him to catch up. The temperature was beautiful. It felt like it was somewhere around 35 degrees. I'm not sure what it was but there was a few moments coming across when I actually felt warm. Maybe it was the adrenaline. Dan catches up and the camera gets a good shot of his crack. Brian's back rack obscured his butt so I couldn't get the 'double moon over the East River' shot. Before hand, Brian had said that once underway he was going to stand up for the camera. He didn't, but he had already put on a great show at the beginning of the run. When you see the video, you get a good look at his offering. I think he is going to have a lot of babes calling after the screening. I of course had to look down at myself just for comparison. My guy looked just like a scared turtle. I'm talking shrinkage factor here. Luckily for me I am on the other side of the camera.
To finish the story, we get to the other side of the bridge and find ourselves on the right side of the backed up traffic. I see where Derek is and yell for the guys to go left so he can get a good shot of us. As soon as we do I yell that we need to go right for the exit. Brian is totally confused, which it's great for us because we get another funny shot of him stopping and back tracking a little so he can make the exit. We follow the exit around to the right so that we end up under the bridge. This is where it seems a little secure with less traffic and we can put our clothes back on. Brian is very excited and says, "Yeah, that's what you're suppose to do on a scooter". Dan says, "I don't do it for me. I do it for the people." We all agreed that it wasn't as cold as we thought it was going to be. After Derek showed up we reviewed his tape and the footage was very funny. We started to look at my camera and decided that just in case some old lady with a cell phone had called the cops that we should go to Sidewalk cafe and viddy it. Basically we all agreed that it was about the most fun we have had on a Sunday run.

© 2000 Stian Nilsen

P.S. When we get a good edit of the video together I will put it on this site.

Well Stian, as I sit still reminiscing about that day, a tear rolls down my cheek...a tear of joy, as I read your summation of the days events. Very well done. Only thing I'd like to add is that in my opinion, it was not lack of preparedness that held me back. After all, I had no underwear on, slip on/off boots, etc. The problem lay in the operational phases. I did not know that it was a phased event. Hell, I could have gotten totally naked in front of Pace, but I thought that there was some type of "island" when we got onto the bridge where we would complete the task. The obvious lack of such a "safe haven" was cause for much nervousness during the undressing process. Holy shit, was that funny though..... I should have just started totally naked. In addition, while I would have stood up during the run this would have resulted in the loss of the majority of my clothing, tucked under my bare ass in the early hurrying. Anyway, it was the most fun I have ever had on a ride, and easily is up there in the top 5 best times of my life. We must meet up and put our footage together. Give me a call. Better yet email me back! Your brother in nakedness, Brian vespa69@idt.net / www.nine-lives.com